Say No To Santa

Ok, well maybe it won’t be a sure fire cure, but at least we can make a start on reducing the amount of Can I Haves that you hear. As with anything that has become a habit over time, it will take some time to resolve.

All of these instant cures will be much easier to instigate before children arrive, or even when they are tiny tots. Don’t despair if you are starting in on this with teenage children, or a recalcitrant spouse. Stick to your principles, be firm and loving, and generally – Just Say No.

Instant Cure Number 1: Just Say No.

The other part of this has to be: Repeatedly.

If you have spent years saying no to stuff which your children have been pestering you for, and find that in the end you always give in and get them what they want, then you have succumbed to the Pester Factor.

Just like food makers, Christmas gift makers convince kids that they need their own special range of gifts, the bigger and brighter the better, and the more super heroes or cartoon characters makes it even more special.

Just like food makers, gift makers go for the pester factor, knowing parents will give in. This of course makes it almost impossible for a parent to say no and still be in their kids good books. Poor parents, they have to work so hard to overcome all these obstacles, that for so many it is just easier to give in and buy the thing for a bit of peace and quiet, whether they can afford it or not.

Help your children to understand that the likelihood of you saying yes to something decreases rapidly if you are annoyed and feeling pestered. Let them know that if they show only a self-centred ‘gimme that’ approach on everything then you are going to push back hard all the time on everything.

Whenever you see or hear the Can I Haves approaching, come back at them with: What’s in it for me? Ask Little Jimmy or Little Jane – what are you willing to do in order to get this?

Once they are over the shock of being asked to do something in return for a gift, this approach will help your kids to sort out whether they really want it or not. If they’re not prepared to even begin to negotiate a deal over this Gotta Have It item, then you and they will instantly realise that this is not an essential gift.

After a few times of asking them What’s in it for me? your kids will realise that you are serious and will modify their habit of instantly asking Can I Have over everything they see.

As the parent, you can negotiate over anything you want, anything at all, where you feel you want to make a bit of headway. Perhaps some food related issues, like eat more vegetables at every meal, or do your chores without being told, or speak pleasantly to your brother.

Be aware, you are up against it. You can win this one if you are consistent. So remember to Just Say No. Again and again and again. And Again.

Here’s an extra tip – explain to your children, and your spouse, that you love them very much and you don’t want to overindulge them. We each have our different reasons for not want to overindulge ourselves and our children. Most people know inherently that overindulging is not good for the body, mind or soul, but don’t quite know how to explain the details to others.

Relax. You don’t have to explain the details. Just say you don’t want to overindulge them. Full stop, say no more, no need to explain further. Don’t give excuses, like ‘We can’t afford it’ because they will think of all sorts of ways to be able to afford what they think they want. It is nearly impossible to argue back with someone who says ‘I don’t want to overindulge you.’

You will be pleasantly surprised at how readily they will understand and accept this idea.

Instant Cure Number 2: Just Say No TV

This comes straight after Just Say No, as it will radically reduce the amount of Can I Haves. Marketers rely on the kid pestering the parent to buy the toy, rather than going straight to the parent. The main source of marketing to which oyur child will be exposed is from tv programs. Cut back radically on the amount of tv your children are viewing.

The main children’s viewing hours are between 3pm and 7.30 pm. This time span is when the advertisers will push their product every 8 minutes or so. Being selective about the viewing hours, or even cutting it out altogether will go a long way to reducing the Can I Haves. The kids won’t whine for things they don’t see.

Instant Cure Number 3: Just Say No Glossies

All that clutter that comes through your letter box can be eliminated by a small sign on the front gate saying No Advertising Material. The delivery boys are obliged to not stuff your letter box with their junk mail if you have that sign there. If they do choose to ignore your sign, then contact the local store whose glossy brochure it is, and tell them to quit stuffing your box.

Don’t give your kids the chance to get their hands on these glossies! It will just fill their heads with false ideas about how much better their lives will be if they have this and this and this. Oh – and look at this!

Again, the kids won’t whine for things they don’t see. The key is to avoid the chance that your kids will be disappointed on Christmas morning when they finish unwrapping their gifts and the big thing they saw in the glossy catalogue they had their heart set on isn’t there.

Instant Cure Number 4: Just Say Do, Not Buy.

This is a time to get excited about making memories, not making holes in your credit card. Do stuff together. Read books to each other, watch movies, pull out the cookbooks and do some home baking. Go for a walk, play in the park – do something! Just do it rather than buy it.

I am certain that kids crave the attention of their parents far more than they will ever admit. We all love attention, especially when it’s good, having fun together attention.

The kids won’t remember the toys they got for Christmas, but they will remember the fun times they had with mum and dad. As they grow up they will remember how they felt, not what they were bought.

Work on making your kids feel loved, wanted and safe. It’s worth a billion times more what any gift you buy can give them.

If you can reduce the emphasis on the idea that gifts = Christmas, your children will follow suit. Remember that in 99% of households the mum sets the tone for how the household will behave.

Lead your children into the way you want them to grow. Restrict the amount of eye-candy at the Santa Season and life will be a whole lot easier.

Instant Cure Number 5: Just Say No Whining.

Whining drives me nuts, and not just whining from my own offspring, but also whining of other children. I just want to reach to the back of the supermarket queue and throttle the kid, then it’s parents.

Whining is perfectly geared to irritate adults and leave the child’s parents feeling like it’s their job to sort out the child’s problems.

There is a good chance that you will be stuck in a long supermarket queue with at least one whiny child sometime in the lead up to Christmas day.

Whining is a tactic used by the child to manipulate the adult. SO you can be the grown up and decide that all negotiating comes to an abrupt halt until the child has become the Whine Master and is able to communicate civilly, without whining.

Whining is brought on from frustration and most times when the whine starts up you won’t have a clue as to what brought it on. The Whine is a nasty weapon in Little Timmy’s arsenal – it is guaranteed to turn you from being a pleasant, loving mummy to a raging bitch in less time that it takes to drop a jar of Dolmio off the supermarket shelf.

As a parent you can decide what and when your child will get something, but you can’t decide how they’ll feel about it.

It is important for the child to express feelings, but they need to learn an appropriate way of doing that, and whining isn’t it.

Try this on for size, next time Little Timmy is whining up a storm.

‘Gee, babe. It sounds to me like you are really feeling frustrated about something, and that’s coming out as whining. Let’s find another way for you to tell me how you’re feeling. Are you tired? Hungry? Thirsty? Bored?’

The chances are that one of these things will be behind the whine. This is a really neat tactic because it stops all discussion about the item Little Timmy was whining for.

If all this careful reasoning doesn’t work then remember that it takes 2 to tango. If you are determined to not back down, then Little Timmy will eventually give up. He may turn on a major dose of the sulks, but he will eventually stop. Or have a tantrum. The hard thing with the outright No tactic is that this doesn’t solve Little Timmy’s disappointment and his feelings of frustration.

If Little Timmy still persists in the whining, just calmly let him know that it is really hard for you to be with him and be nice to him if he is whining. Give him some options he can manage, like come here for a cuddle, have a drink of water, or think up some neat things to cook for dinner tonight.

Work on not giving in to the whine. Be careful that you don’t give him something like a chocolate bar to shut him up. It won’t solve the problem.

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