The 12 Days of Christmas - what does it really cost?
I've been thinking about the real costs of Christmas, and the song The 12 Days of Christmas popped up. If you had a true love who gave you all that stuff, what would he really be spending on you? This may not be a good way to evaluate a realtionship, but you know damned well that 99.9% of people do a quick mental calculation on what each Christmas gift cost the giver.
All these prices are in AUD and are based on the going internet prices. You would need to add shipping over the 12 days too. I didn't include a calculation for bulk buying discounts, but I am sure that could be organised once you have a chat to the suppliers.
Thinking further, you won't just be buying 1 pear tree, for as the song goes - you'll be buying 1 pear tree a day for 12 days. I have shopped around, and tried to keep the costs down by suggestion practical subsitutions.
Even so, buckle up true lovers! It's going to cost you a bomb.
1 x partridge $25 (we don't have these in Australia, so it will have to be a guinea fowl, which is much prettier)
1 x pear tree $35 (bare rooted and ready to plant but you can only do this in winter, not summer)
2 x turtle doves $ 70 (can't get these in Australia either, so pure white fantail pigeons would work well)
3 x french hens $60 (French hens are too delicate for Australian conditions, so I suggest you use Australorps at point-of-lay)
4 x calling birds $100 (These will have to be canaries as catching the 'calling birds' otherwise known as blackbirds, from the wild is too hard)
5 x golden rings $1,250 (The price of gold these days has pushed up prices alarmingly. If you could settle for toe rings, the price would be less)
6 x geese a-laying $240 (You'll need to collect the eggs each day or they will go broody - what are you going to do with all those eggs?)
7 x swans a swimming $3,000 (I have included here the costs of installing the dam for them to swim in)
8 x maids milking $1,600 + $3,000 (This is calculated at 8 maids working full time hours @$25/hour, plus the $3,000 is for the cows. This cost could be lower if you chose a smaller animal to milk such as goats or sheep)
9 x ladies dancing $200 (I recommend using your local line-dancing group - easier to get on with and a damn sight cheaper. Professional dancers are not recommended, due to their high-strung natures)
10 x lords leaping $200 (see notes above refering to your 9 ladies - the ladies are bound to have husbands who would be willing to leap about in a lordly fashion, as long as you cover the cost of their beer)
11 x pipers piping $500 (call the police pipe band and offer to make a donation to their Christmas party)
12 x drummers drumming $800 (see notes above refering to pipers, as most pipe bands include a bunch of drummers)
Total cost for the 12 Days of Christmas:
$291,540.00
I really have tried to keep the costs as low as possible here, making what I feel are practical, useful substitutions. You could save some money by ringing around, rather than ordering everything exclusively on-line. Home delivery is always costly, and I'm sorry, but I don't know how else you are going to do this, without buying everything in advance and walking it all over to your true love's house each day. Hope she lives close.
As the song goes, you will be sending a lot of items each day, and doubling, tripling etc as each day goes by. Please keep in mind these other practical considerations:
- Cost of feed for the partridges, doves, calling birds, geese & swans
- Cost of a hole digger to dig 12 holes for the pear trees
- Cost of water and setting up the reticulation system to water the trees
- Cost of aviaries, fencing and fox-proofing pens for the birds
- Cost of accomodation and feed for the maids, plus worker's comp and training
- Cost of keeping the cows in feed and pasture, and a vet check before you send them to the knacker's.
- Cost of food & accommodation for all those ladies dancing and lords leaping
- Cost of transport for the pipers and drummer, plus food & accommodation
- Cost of a first-aid trained person, as well as an OH&S inspector
- Insurance!
- Some of your costs may be offset by the money you could make from selling the livestock to the local butcher, less the costs of slaughtering and dressing the stock and birds.
Good luck with this. All I can say is I'm gald I said no and can save myself the costs and headache.