Josephine, 58, Psychologist, mother of 6.
In all my work, and all the study and research I have done, and all the damaged people I have seen, I still believe there is no such thing as a harmless lie. Even lies we consider to be harmless or socially acceptable are damaging due to the costs to society of the total sum of us all lying about something, and believing it's ok, even necessary.
This habit spreads through our culture as a general disregard for telling the truth in places where it matters most: politics and the law. We all know and accept that our political leaders lie to us, and our society and government are the poorer for it. The nation suffers the consequences when the management lies.
If we stop accepting that some lies are ok, then our children will grow up expecting the truth at all times. This is a habit to be taught in the home, and it starts with Big Lie Number One: Santa. We raise our babies showing we accept that it is ok to lie to them abut Santa.
This permits the children to grow up understanding that society will be ok with lies, you just have to be very convincing about it. If you are not very convincing, then you can't afford to tell the whoppers. But if you can really do a good job of it, then you can lie about anything and get away with it.
Sadly, many parents will go to great lengths to ensure the Santa lie is perpetuated, even to calling on other adults and older children to protect this lie. Why are we all ok with our society disregarding truth? Especially when it comes to those most vulnerable - the little children we love?
There can be no grey areas with truth and honesty. Santa is not a harmless lie at all. I see the Santa lie as very damaging and it encourages parents to misdirect their ethics and the way they raise their children.
Upholding the Santa lie sets the tone for how children are reared, and instills distrust and reduces confidence in children as they grow, trying to guess which things are truth and which are not.
Honesty is easier, safer and morally appropriate. It is too hard to try to teach a child which lies are good and which are bad, and it does not teach a child how to be honest in all things. Children learn by example and if your example is to lie about selective issues, the children will be just the same.
I feel it is sad to think that a child is grown up when they decipher which things are ok to lie about and which are not - and how far they can go with those lies. This is raising children to be deceitful, and deceitful children don't easily change that habit when they are adults.